Courage to Stand

Throughout my life, I have seen the power of courage within myself and others. I've seen the courage of not knowing when all things will be made right. I've seen the courage of stopping and talking to a stranger. I've seen the courage of a mother teaching her child love and respect even though it would be easier to let her child do what the child wants. I've seen the courage of waking up earlier in the morning to do scripture study even if the night was used to study for an exam the next day. I've seen the courage of family members let a loved one pass away. I've seen many other acts of courage which will be imprinted on my heart forever. It's crazy how much influence the power of one can make.

I've been thinking about this recently of ways that I can be more courageous or I can be more uncomfortable in order to grow. My thoughts turned to my mission. During my mission, I learned to pray all the time even if I have to stop in the middle of a street and bow my head right then and there. It felt more natural to stop as a missionary because something about that name tag gives a power and safety I haven't felt any other time in my life. Now that I'm home, it's harder to find those moments to immediately show faith through prayer even though the prayers are just as needed. For instance, blessing the food before each meal. Since I'm not living with my family, it's interesting to pray for my meal no matter where I am at. But I have noticed when I don't take the time to stop and talk to my Heavenly Father even if I'm in a crowded restaurant. I'm not trying to be more spiritual than those around me. I'm not trying to boast in any sort of way, but prayer is a necessity. I need those prayers. Yes, I have a prayer constantly in my heart, but there's a power to physically stopping, taking a second, and thanking God for the moment. If Daniel in the lion's den could say a prayer in the open with no shame while facing the possibility of death (see Daniel 6:7-10), I can take a minute and talk to my Father in Heaven the deepest desires of my heart or simply thanking Him for the blessings of that day. Who knows? My physical action could be a reminder for someone else to take some time to communicate with his or her Heavenly Father. Not to mention the communication I have with God will strengthen me to help me face the rest of the day.

The power of one is an amazing power. That is why each and every one of us is important. It always makes me sad to hear about suicides, and the person believed life would be better without him or her. This is not true whatsoever. "The worth of souls is great in the sight of God" (D&C 18:10). He loves each and everyone of us. He sees the power of influencing the one (see 3 Nephi 17:21). So have the courage to influence the one even if that one is yourself. The more that you try to have the courage to do what is right, the more you will realize that you are not alone. President Monson gave a wonderful talk about having courage to stand alone when in reality you're never alone when you stand with your Father in Heaven (President Thomas S. Monson). Have the courage to stand brothers and sisters (those of my faith or not). For you never know who is watching and the impact you will have on their life. Volim vas.

Teachings from a Child

I have always loved kids. I remember as a kid always wanting to be a teacher. Memories from helping in my previous teachers' classrooms to creating my own classroom with my dolls as the students (not the most lively bunch though). This last summer just continued my love for children. I was able to be in a child care ages infant to 8 (those little munchkins are too adorable!). I also had the blessed opportunity to teach 3 classes aged 4-10. The classes emphasized learning through theatre, dance, visual art, and music (definitely opened my eyes to what it's going to be like being a teacher of my own classroom). Then I ended last week with an amazing camp called Camp Kesem which is a camp for kids whose parents have/had cancer. This is a week for them to just be kids and have a week to get away from the troubles many people never have to experience including myself. They can come for free through donations just a simple click away! *cough* But this isn't my plug for Camp Kesem donations. That will come later. What I want to write in this blog is my thoughts on what I learned from these kids of questions I gather from others and myself. I have more than just what I wrote down, but these are a few of my highlights.

Why can't I just have everything? Or why don't I have what others have?
In life, I look at some people and just see how good life is for them. They have scholarships, cars, nice apartments, and everything else that I want in life. But sometimes we don't receive toys or we just give up on some toys because there's something better that's coming up. One time a boy (let's say Josh) was playing with a truck and another boy (Ben) wanted to play with it. We told Ben no because Josh was playing with it. Then Josh willingly gave up the truck. Ben was so happy, but I'm sure Josh is the winner in the end. Ben may have been given what he wanted, but Josh got something that is much more valuable: friendship. Ben was so loyal to Josh the rest of the day. Whatever Josh needed, Ben made Josh got it from blocks to trucks to the little toy people. When someone was getting a little fiesty at Josh, Ben was right there by Josh's side for support. The loyalty that came through this day was much better than anything that Josh could have given up. Seeing Josh giving up a way fun and valued toy to Ben without even realizing the consequences made me think of my life. How many things have I given freely to others and received something even better in return? How many times has someone given their time and talents to me and now I feel a devotion and love towards them? Christ had everything and gave it all up for us. How much closer is my relationship with Christ because I don't have everything but He is willing to give me? Just some questions that have gone through my mind.

Why do things get taken away especially those we love?
When I was in 8th grade, I remember this one girl who didn't believe in God. I don't know how we got to this conversation but she just yelled at me, "If God was so loving, why did he take my little sister and daddy away from me?" She turned around and just ran off. I didn't run after her because I didn't know what to tell her. As the years went by, I came up with little excuses like "Because it's God's will" or "At least they're in a better place" but to someone who has lost someone they have loved, these are hard and honestly, lame excuses. They are true, but they don't really comfort, at least it wouldn't to me. As I have watched these kids, they get all torn when their moms drop them off. It seems to them that they will never see their moms ever again. Or a friend leaves them to go home even when they are having such a good time. But all these instances don't last forever. We will see those loved ones again. It's stinkin' hard in the meantime because we miss them so much. We are so dependent on them. We find such a greater love for them that it hurts. But when they leave, we find the strength in ourselves and find out how independent we are. As I saw these kids get torn up this last summer, I gained such a greater confirmation that someone knows what's going on in life. Someone (aka God)  knows the timing of all. He understands the why's and how's. He knows. But more importantly He understands what we are going through and loves us even if we are crying and asking why multiple times, and just hitting our hands against the door over and over again crying out in pain wondering how those loved ones could leave when we love them so much. Through all that heartache, He loves us still. (There was only one time that I couldn't handle being with a screaming kid anymore, but his scream was pretty high pitched and we eventually called his mom). But I know Heavenly Father would have kept trying with that kid. He would and does put His arms around us. This leads to my next question.

Where is the comfort when I need it?
There are several reactions I got this last summer trying to comfort a child. 1. Snuggle in the arms (my favorite!), 2. Push away (don't take it personally), and 3. Cry for a minute then find a distraction like a toy. There are more reactions, but I'm going to focus on these three. Trying to comfort a tired child or a child who is missing something or someone is sometimes very difficult. There are times when I can't do anything. I've tried to hold them and they just push me away or I do a funny face or give a toy and no reaction other than a cry. It's heartbreaking. One time when I was holding a little girl and just rocking her back and forth, she just kept crying for mom, I kept saying, "Don't worry. Mommy's coming back soon." But this didn't stop her. I thought of how silly it was when this girl comes in every day and goes home with mom every day. She should know by now that her mom will come back. But then I realized how much I was like this. How many times have I cried out to my Heavenly Father asking for His help and felt like I wasn't getting an answer? How many times have I received an answer and didn't realize that that was the answer because I was too distraught that I didn't see? Heavenly Father wants to send us peace, we just have to notice the comfort and accept it. God also sends material things with us to comfort us just like a child given his or her bottle or blanket. We are given things like the Book of Mormon to comfort us. People also step in when we need that physical sense of comfort through a hug or a compliment. God knows what we need. Sometimes we just have to see what He's giving us and stop pity partying ourselves. Look at what is given around us and see how life is a beauty.

A year ago, I received the impression to go home the next summer. I was shocked. I thought going home was for lame college kids who couldn't find a social life at their college. I was wrong. I needed to be home this last summer. There were many reasons, but these lessons from these kids was one of the reasons. I'm back at school and as I was walking to work, written on the ground were the words "You've Changed". It's so true. The past few months I have grown dramatically inside (thank goodness not physically cuz it's hard enough finding a guy with my height ;). But seriously, even within a few months, drastic changes can happen. I saw so many kids change the few months I was in child care and teaching classes. Even within a week at Camp Kesem, I saw the strength and desire to be better illuminate in those amazing kids. This is a change that God sees in ourselves. We should be changing all the time. We need to act on faith that God won't let us fail as long as we are following Him. He may let us fall sometimes, but it's so we can learn how to get back up and find the strength within ourselves to keep going. If you haven't taken time to learn these lessons from a child, I challenge you to find someone, anyone from your own child to a neighbor and spend some quality time with them. Apply what they are learning to what you are learning, and you may find how children truly are "submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father" (Mosiah 3:19). You'll be amazed from the lessons you can learn. Volim vas.

What is Equality? My View on the Gay Topic

The last few years, I have studied and prayed over the LGBTQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual, Transgender, and Queer) topic. In high school, it was something very foreign to me. I didn't understand it. I still don't all the way. But over the last month, I've been working on this blog trying to put my thoughts together. I hope as you read this that your mind will stay open and allow me to try to explain my opinions and beliefs.

The last few years, LGBTQ has been a very hot topic. People keep expressing views and opinions and trying to be "politically correct". I have had many friends and family members express their thoughts in polar opposite ways. As I kept hearing these conflicting messages, I was confused. I didn't know how to respond. I wanted to have an opinion. Do I choose the side that keeps talking about free agency? Or do I choose the side of traditional belief that marriage is between a man and a woman? Both had understandable arguments, but I didn't know how to express my thoughts. I always agreed and still agree that everyone has free agency. Everyone can make their own choices, but I never supported homo-sexual marriage. How do I express my thoughts without making one side or the other upset? What evidence supports what I think? So my search began.

I read the words of prophets and apostles. I talked to some friends who are gay. Last semester, I took a class which we looked at the LGBTQ view in a theatre way. There are so many different opinions. There's so much passion towards what people believe. There have been so many people who have felt lost, unimportant and hurt on both sides. But as my search continued, I decided to defend with what the prophets have declared years ago in "The Family: A Proclamation to the World". It says in the first sentence that "...marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God...." As a missionary, I taught that participating in homo-sexual relations is against the Law of Chasity, one of God's commandments (Preach My Gospel). I will never vote for same-sex marriage because why would I vote for something where I believe it's against God's commandments? A girl in church said today that I very much agree to it. She talked about homosexuality and how some are born with it, but she also mentioned how it's like anxiety and depression, "Just because depression and anxiety run in my family, I won't be happier if I just give into it." Same-gender attraction is a natural man feeling that one has to control just like I can't act out my hetro-sexual attraction before marriage and even then only to one man. It won't make me happier if I broke that commandment. Now before you stop reading because you think that's all I have to say, and I'm a closed-minded traditionalist, please, keep reading on.

One of the arguments for those who are pro homo-sexual marriage is that everyone deserves equality. But I'm here to say that equality does not mean that people get the same rights and privileges. I'm studying to be a teacher and often we discuss how fairness and equality can be reached in the classroom. We don't give every single child the exact same book. We don't give them the exact same math problem. We work on individual needs. We find out where they are and teach from there. Equality means reaching to what every person needs. Now I'm not saying one group is lower than another, just like I strongly believe that each child is not lower than another. Everyone has their weaknesses and strengths. Hopefully, every child is striving to be better. Just like hopefully, we are all striving to be better. And God knows knows every need and how we can become better. He loves and understands all even if I don't (see 1 Nephi 11:17). I don't know why there is same-sex attraction, and I may never know in this life. But the closest logical reason I can come up with is so that I, and all of us, can have the opportunity to understand people who have had to deal differently with life than I have had to. So I can be forgiven of my misunderstandings and take time to understand. So I can learn how to listen without judgement. I'm not perfect, but I'm grateful for those friends and strangers who have taken the time to tell me their story and listen to my questions and opinions without judgement towards me. For life is a long path, but it's even longer when we don't listen to each other and judge each other for our differences.

Now these differences include accepting the opinions of those who oppose same-sex marriage. Many people say LGBTQ needs acceptance. What about those who oppose same-sex marriage? Don't they deserve acceptance to their own opinions and beliefs? I have felt this way many times in my life. I have felt belittled and avoided because I'm a "Molly Mormon". But that's ok. It gives me a taste of what others feel like in a different way. I understand that some of my friends who haven't talked to me since they have 'come out of the closet' for the reason of not knowing my reaction. 10 years ago, I admit my reaction would have been different than today because I didn't understand. I didn't know how to react. But today, I would just treat them like I have since I first met them--with love. Thank goodness for change and for the ability to learn and understand. Yes, I do not have a perfect understanding, but I know that someone does--Jesus Christ.

Christ understands. That's why He suffered in the Garden of Gethsemane and on Calvary, so He could have the ability and capacity to understand. And I can testify that He does. I have felt the Spirit of truth testify it to me (John 15:26). And as I keep trying to understand life and its mysteries, the Spirit will continue to teach me as long as I'm humble enough to hear it.

Now you may or may not be wondering, why I am posting this blog. I usually just put up the blogs that everyone can at least semi-agree with not any of this hot topic stuff. As I have gone to Institute this summer, I have learned and felt like I need to defend my faith better. I served a mission and felt like I represented the Lord as best as I could, but I can do better now. I need to show my faith and beliefs even if it's against what others may think. No one can take my faith from me, but I need to be able to explain and show my faith to others so they can understand why I believe the way I do. This is a time where we need each other to stand together not stand a part with no ears. Take time to hear one another. Take time to show love to one another. For that's what Christ would have done, and that's what I'm trying to do. Thanks for reading this with open ears and an open heart. I hope it helps you understand more of what I believe. Volim vas.

Coming Home is Hard

I thought about holding this post out until my year anniversary coming home from my mission, but I felt like I should do it now.

Before coming home from my mission, people mentioned to me that it's hard. But no one could prepare me for how hard it would be. The last few weeks of my mission were the best I could have imagined. My companion and I worked as diligently as we could and because of that we saw the miracles. Miracles I had been praying for, and Heavenly Father blessed me by answering those prayers (Week #79). Even though I ended my mission better than I could have imagined, it still didn't change the fact how much I loved the people. How much I loved Croatia. How much I loved being a missionary (Week #76). One night about 5 weeks before I went home, my companion said that I was just denying how excited I was to go home and wanted to stop being a missionary. I looked at her and said firmly, "No. I love being a missionary." I then just started sobbing. I couldn't control it. I didn't want to stop being a missionary. I didn't want this time to end. I knew there would be no other time I would be a young full-time missionary ever again.

As mentioned in my last e-mail (Week #79), the last few days I was a hot mess. I remember the last bus ride to our apartment. We had just finished a fantastic lesson with my brother and sister from Rijeka who were the first Croats I met when I had arrived 17 months earlier. I was so happy. I couldn't contain myself. Then I thought about going home in 2 days. I started bawling. I was leaving. I then got excited because faces of people came into my mind. My mom, my dad, sisters, brother, in-laws, nieces, a nephew, and 3 nephews I hadn't even met yet. Friends and family who I love and have missed so dearly. I looked out the window. We were coming up a hill. The hill which you could see all of Rijeka and the sea so perfectly. The lights were shining so brilliantly on the buildings, the stars on the sea, and the boats in the distance. The tears came slower this time but steadily. How could I leave? How could I just continue on when I got home? My companion and I sat on the balcony enjoying a watermelon together reminiscing on the good times, laughing over the awkward times and talking about all the miracles that will happen to these amazing people even when I'm home.

Then before I knew it I was on a plane. I thought about the night before with my mission president, his family, and other missionaries who these countries were going to miss dearly. Who I was going to miss dearly. On the plane rides home, I still was able to have missionary experiences which comforted me. But the most uncomfortable I felt the entire time wasn't when I had to try to sleep through a 16 hour flight, wasn't when I left my companion being alone for the first time, it was when I was in the Denver airport. People were speaking English. There were people with cowboy hats and boots. It was all so strangely familiar, but how come I felt like I would feel more comfortable on an old bus with people who only knew Croatian with no air conditioning in 35 degree Celsius weather? Why did I feel so alone when people were speaking my native tongue? It's because I was transitioning. I was about to start my next destination.

Transitions are the worst. It's such an awkward and hard time. It's like driving a stick shift. It's hard to get used to especially for the first time or driving a car or truck you have never driven before. But if you want to get somewhere, you have to go through it. You have to try changing the gears even if it gives a weird sound. You have to balance the pedals. Sometimes make those scary left turns hoping that the car doesn't kill. Sometimes going up hill and then the car killing anyways. But you don't just sit there and give up. You start the car up again because it's worth it. You have to have faith that where you are going is better than where you are now-in the car and in life. It stinks sometimes especially when you loved the place that you were at and you don't want an ending. But the thing is that it isn't an ending. It's a beginning. As Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf said at this last general conference, "The more we learn about the gospel of Jesus Christ, the more we realize that endings here in mortality are not endings at all. They are merely interruptions--temporary pauses that one day will seem small compared to the eternal joy awaiting the faithful...there are no true endings, only everlasting beginnings." It isn't in our nature to love endings, but if we see with an eye of faith, we will be glad (Ether 12:19). We will see that every ending is a beginning.

As I have come home, I have found some bumps in the road. I have "killed" the car a few times. But I also have gotten to many places where I want and need to be. I have met so many amazing people along the way. And I have faith that as I continue to change gears and move forward, I will get to the destination where I want to be with my Heavenly Father and brother, Jesus Christ. If you feel like you are stuck in the ditch, look up. There's someone there ready to teach you how to get out. I know this. I can't believe how many times He has answered me and helped me even though I'm very dumb and stubborn sometimes. But He is still there. He loves me. And He loves you. He's there for you. He's there to teach you how to move forward and has given you the tools how. Keep going. Keep smiling. There is hope. Volim vas.

Weak Superheroes

Ever since coming back from my mission, I heard of all these superhero movies: Iron-Man, the Hulk, Captain America, Avengers, and so on. This week I finally finished watching all of them (at least that I know of). I loved watching all the action, remembering the stories, and learning the lessons. These superheroes all had weaknesses or at least what they saw as weaknesses. Superman was a weirdo. Ironman was a selfish rich man. The Hulk had a anger management problem. Captain America was too physically weak for anything "worthwhile". But the thing is that these weaknesses could be changed.

In The Book of Mormon, Ether 12:27, it states, "And if men come unto me [the Lord] I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." There are many weaknesses which we all have (I could list my own in as many words as the dictionary), but we can use these weaknesses and turn them into strengths. I talked about this with a companion of mine in Croatia. For instance, pride as a whole is a bad attribute. But there are many characteristics of pride like being stubborn for what you believe is right and seeing the potential of the future. These characteristics are good things IF used within balance. A great strength is to fight for your goals and being stubborn enough to reach them. But if you're going overboard and missing out on the important things of life then that's where humility comes in to save your strength to not become a weakness. On the mission, I was known as an organizer. That was my strength, but it became a weakness when I missed out on living in the moment. I was focused on meeting our plans for the day, I didn't become humble enough to allow God to lead the plans of the day. Gratefully, I had companions who showed me how to enjoy the spontaneity of life. I'm still working on the balance, but I know that through time, I won't allow my talent of being organized become a weakness. I just need to be humble and see those opportunities where my weaknesses can become strengths and where my strengths can become even stronger.

I noticed in these superhero movies that all these men noticed themselves as weak. Well, maybe not Ironman at first, but he didn't give up when his circumstances made him weaker. His heart was changed to something that many would have thought held Tony Stark back. Yet he rose to the occasion and used his strengths to help raise his weaknesses. He was able to improve and change through time as he took the time to change his heart--physically and personality wise. (Did you notice at the end of each movie he had a better heart and he also became a better person? Love symbolism!) The Hulk turns into this radioactive strong huge man that goes off on anger emotions, but he learns to control his emotions for the use of good. (I'm not promoting anger, but I'm just trying to make a point) Superman had a rough childhood. He didn't understand who he was or why he was different than anyone else. Superman saw all his differences as weaknesses until he saw his true worth. He saw his potential. Then my favorite superhero, Captain America, was a determined man who was set back because others saw him as weak. But his physical weaknesses built his emotional and mental state into a man who Dr. Erskine saw. Those physical weaknesses gave him even stronger strengths which made him more worthy than anyone else for the change which would make him stronger than he could ever imagine.

We underestimate ourselves. We see our weaknesses as just that-weaknesses. But through time, God helps us see us as we truly are, we just need to accept the fact of how AMAZING we are. We are the superheroes. We may see ourselves as weak, but God sees us for who we truly are. Yes, there may need to be a change of heart or of sight. Or there may need to be a balancing act. But we honestly are superheroes. I can name several superheroes in my life. They wouldn't admit it that they are awesome because they see themselves as weak. But I would make a movie of their life because of the impact they have had to change this world into a better place. That's what superheroes do, right? For I know they have changed my world. So if you are feeling down because of all the 'weaknesses' you have. Change that mindset and be grateful because those weaknesses are making you into a stronger superhero. For God made it that way, so we could have faith in Him and grow into the best we can be. I know you can. I have faith in you like I do in my Savior, Jesus Christ who is the greatest superhero of all. He saved the world, and I know He continues to show us the way. Find the way. Find the change within yourself and see yourself as the superhero who you truly are. Volim vas.

A Tribute to the Sisterhood

3 days ago, I said good-bye to my last apartment of girls-my sisters. 8 months ago, I started my journey as a resident assistant, a big sister to 59 young ladies. It was overwhelming at first but mostly because I was transitioning while they were transitioning. They were finding the balance of going from dependence to independence, and I was going from a complete focus of others to balancing myself and others. But as I described in my first letter to them, "I’m ready to make this a year full of NO REGRETS. No regrets making life-long friends, working hard, living with integrity, strengthening faith, and finding fun!" And that's what happened. I made life-long friends who will always have my back, worked hard in school and at home, lived honestly, boosted my faith, and found a ton of fun with these wonderful ladies! I lived the past 8 months with no regrets. Not that I didn't make mistakes. I will always make mistakes, but what I learned while and after I made those mistakes, I will always remember with no regrets. Between both semesters, I gained 66 little sisters. As I was taking decorations down on my bulletin board, the words NO REGRETS were still imprinted. I thought of the imprints these women have made in my life. This is a list, one from each girl, something I learned/relearned from them. (No it's not in any order, so don't try to guess. Plus many of these girls share many of these qualities, but I thought of one specifically for each beautiful lady.)

1. Dance your troubles away.

2. Always call someone's name when you see them and give them the best hugs, you never know when that person needs it.

3. "Cast not away therefore your confidence." (Hebrews 10:35)

4. Trust that people don't really mean to do you wrong.

5. Seeing everyone with kindness will always show the beauty within them and yourself.

6. Always have a laugh ready.

7. Work hard even when life is going against you.

8. Never endure the first breakup alone. It's easier to cry while crying on someone's shoulder.

9. Life could always be worse, but we just have to brush off the bad and embrace the good.

10. Have faith that people can be healed through the Atonement.

11. Life really stinks sometimes, but you have to keep your chin up and push through.

12. One person can make a difference in an apartment.

13. Every person is needed. 14. Don't just say that you love someone, show it. 15. Say what you mean. 16. Have faith that a new start will outweigh the past. 17. Be a friend to all. 18. Delegation is a good thing. 19. Everyone has a deep perspective in the gospel somehow. 20. Talking in accents can brighten anyone's day. 21. Helping someone even a little may make a huge difference to them. 22. Life's easier when you are on top of everything. 23. Even when God gives you something you don't like, learn to love it. 24. Love everyone and everything with all your heart. 25. Have the best of friends, because they will always have your back.  26. Always look your best. You never know when you'll meet a cute boy. ;)

27. Take risks because you never know what success you'll gain.

28. Just because someone doesn't show emotion doesn't mean that they don't care.

29. Have an open door-figuratively and literally-you never know who will walk in your life.

30. Anyone can be a missionary at anytime.

31. If you want something, do everything you can to get it.

32. Laugh at your mistakes, but then figure out how to not do it again.

33. The smallest bodies can have some of the biggest hearts.

34. The smallest compliment can make someone's day/week/semester.

35. Even when someone has an opposite view, you don't have to take a defense. Embrace the differences.

36. If you're going to dance, dance like there's no tomorrow! 37. Smile-always. 38. Make time for fun. 39. Keep life exciting. 40. If someone is in need, find a way to help. 41. Don't let anyone make a decision for you. Make all your decisions between yourself and God. No one else should interfere. 42. If at first you don't succeed, try try again. 43. When the bad comes, just chillax, it will pass over. 44. It's easier to tell the truth first than deal with the lie later. 45. Always say what needs to be said even when it will be hard and you don't know the outcome. 46. See everyone with an eye of faith. 47. A cool head is better than being a hot head. 48. Even if you don't get along at first, there's always something in common. 49. Say yes when it's possible, then figure out how to make it work. 50. Keep showing love even if someone doesn't show that love in return. It makes a difference. 51. Never lose a moment with people because you never know when you won't have moments with them again. 52. Sometimes in an argument, someone is not wrong but both are just misunderstood. 53. Sing with all your heart and with no shame.

54. A big smile can go a long way for yourself and others.

55. Life is meant to enjoy, so enjoy every moment!

56. Find out how you get energy because you never know when you need it.

57. Stress is sometimes good because it keeps you moving.

58. Be excited for life.

59. Be yourself. People will love you for who you are.

60. Love life and show it to the world!

61. Music can have a powerful effect on the soul.

62. It's okay to cry.

63. Always have a positive attitude even if those around you don't.

64. Whatever trials you have to go through, fight through it. Don't let it succumb you.

65. Dream big because you never know when the opportunity will come to fulfill them.

66. Once a big sister, always a big sister.


These ladies helped me become the best I could be and helped me live this past school year with no regrets. "No Regrets" has been my life motto since I made the biggest regret of my life in high school. I chose this as the theme for my floor as an RA because I wanted my girls to live their freshman year with no regrets. I hope they did or at least learned from the mistakes they made. Because as shown above, I have learned soo much from them. I love these amazing young women. After they had all gone and checked-out of their rooms, I walked through the rooms, and I could still see them sitting on their beds or couches or standing in the kitchen or laughing on the floor. :) I still saw their beautiful faces. I will never forget them. I hope they at least invite me to their mission farewells/homecomings and/or wedding receptions. I want to be there if I can! After all, they are my sisters. :) 

Ladies, if you're reading this, remember you are beautiful (believe me, I've seen you at all different times and you ALWAYS amaze me with your beauty) and remember that I love you, but more importantly remember you have a loving Heavenly Father and brother, Jesus Christ who are always there for you even if us mere mortals can't be there for you. Keep going! Keep dreaming! Keep believing! Keep smiling! I'll miss you. I already do. I love you.

What a Girl Wants, What a Girl Needs

I don't ever announce this through social media, but it brought out some interesting thoughts which I think needs to be said. Last night, I got asked out on a date. Now before your thoughts go and run wild, I want to put down some background. I hope my date doesn't mind me saying, but I'm sure he would agree that this date is definitely a friend date. There are no romantic desires involved. We're just friends (1. He's about 4 years younger than me, 2. He's a good 6 inches shorter than me). But even with all those things in mind, I'm really excited to go. Last night, I told many friends I saw and just couldn't stop thinking about it. At one point, I thought, "Why am I so excited? What makes this different than if he just asked to hang out?" As I thought more about it, the answer came that girls like to be asked on dates. It brings all these flurries of emotions. Girls like to get all 'purtied up', tell their friends and family the before and after details, and simply to know someone pays attention to them. A date is a huge compliment to a girl. Now this is not a plea for all men to get on the ball to ask girls on dates because I know you get enough pressure from others (if not from yourself). This post is not about the "d" word in that sentence (date), but the "c" word: compliment.

A compliment goes a long way. As stated in this last conference from our beloved prophet, Thomas S. Monson, "You may forget words you express today, but the recipient will remember them for a lifetime." I am one of those recipients who many have given thoughtful, kind compliments. I'm so grateful for those people who have told me those wonderful nice words. One experience I will definitely not forget in this lifetime or the next. I think this will come as a shock to some of you (which it shouldn't many girls go through this), but as a young girl, I didn't think myself as pretty. I was 5 foot in 3rd grade, so I always felt like the giant. I had crooked teeth which I was so ashamed of I didn't want to smile in pictures. I didn't even want to be in them. I always volunteered to be the one to take the picture. This is sad now because there are many group pictures that I have found where I remember the event, but I'm not in them. Yes, adults, especially my dad, told me that I was pretty. But, of course, my dad told me I was pretty. My dad's a great dad! But I didn't believe my dad or any other person because I felt like they had to, and at the time it felt easier to accept that I wasn't pretty. Not necessarily ugly, but there were features I definitely didn't want to have. Now don't think I was this depressed little girl. I loved my childhood. I found ways to be "Jolley" ;) But it's just when it came to myself and my looks, I didn't want to think about it. In 9th grade, a group of friends and I got ready for "the prom". We weren't 16 yet, so we took the day to get ready for the stake dance. Yep, poofy prom dresses and all ;) It was so much fun! We went to the dance, and some time during the night, this boy asked me to dance. Then he told me something which I will never forget, "You look pretty tonight." I could just feel the warmth go all through me, and for the first time that I can remember, I truly felt pretty. I believed I was pretty. This memory will stick with me probably forever. I even still remember the song we danced to! "You Raise Me Up" by Josh Groban. The boy that night truly did raise me up.  This is the power of a compliment especially from guys to a girl. This boy doesn't know what he did for me. He probably doesn't even remember it, but I do. He gave me a sincere, caring compliment which helped me change my attitude about how I viewed myself from that day on.

This doesn't just show the power of a compliment but the importance. Why else would God command us to love our neighbor? (Mark 12:31) We need to feel, see, and hear that love and support from each other. I am sure I am not the only one who has been changed from hearing truth and goodness from another. We ALL need it. It doesn't need to be as big of a compliment as asking someone on a date, but it could be just as simple as saying "I like your bracelet" or "You are so funny!" or "You make me happy when I see you". These are truths which could influence a life. The bracelet could be a hidden talent which inspires an entrepreneur. Confidence could be boosted to a shy, yet funny kid. Or someone who believes he or she has no friends sees that at least one person is happy when he or she is around. Yes, it might not be this dramatic, but isn't it worth the try? I double-dog dare you to try it. ;) Who knows? Maybe you'll become happier by complimenting someone else. I know I sure do. So thank you to my future date who asked me last night for that compliment of wanting to use your precious time with me. And thank you all for being in my life at least at some point. You have the power and the important blessing of helping someone become better than where he or she was. I am proof of that. Thank you. Volim vas.

God's Time

For more than two years now, almost every day I have worn a ring which has written on it "השם זמן" or Lord's Time (well literally Lord and Time, but that's a different story). I absolutely love this ring. I play with it often thinking about the events in my life which have been carefully constructed by my Heavenly Father and done in His time. The past few weeks, I have had many conversations with people discussing this very topic. A lot of those conversations beginning with, "Why?" "Why can't I just know the future?" "Why do I have to deal with this?" "Why can't I just move on with my life?" "Why is this happening to me?" "Why?" Then the answer we come up with always comes to "I don't know. It's God's timing." Sometimes healing takes longer depending on the cause of the fracture or the person who is healing. Some people experience trials which they definitely don't deserve. Some weaknesses we have are there, so we can learn to overcome. It stinks. It doesn't seem fair. But there's a reason. I don't ever remember hearing this story before this past Sunday, but it really effected me during church. My sister was in a car accident over 7 years ago. When my parents heard that she was in critical condition, my dad turned to my mom and said along the lines, "Well, let's see what the Lord has to bless us today." The faith my family had helped me get through one of my most difficult trials of my life. Trials are super hard, but as we have the faith, we will get through. It's unfair what my sister and family had to go through, but the blessings came in a hundredfold throughout those 10 days she was in the hospital. The blessings continued to follow the days, months, and even years after. I still see blessings today from that experience. Often when I think of this trial or any other trial I face, a song from Young Women days comes to mind. (Read to the tune "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing")

“My life is but a weaving
Between my God and me.
I cannot choose the colors
He weaveth steadily.

Chorus
Oft’ times He weaveth sorrow;
And I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper
And I the underside.

Not ’til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Will God unroll the canvas
And reveal the reason why.

Chorus

The dark threads are as needful
In the weaver’s skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned

Chorus

(Not part of the song, but still insightful words)
He knows, He loves, He cares;
Nothing this truth can dim.
He gives the very best to those
Who leave the choice to Him.”

― Corrie ten Boom

These words have been a comfort to me. God truly sees it all, and we just see a little bit at a time. Sometimes I feel like I compare my life to books, movies, and plays. I see there's a conflict, then after some character growth, the characters reach the end of the conflict. I then wonder why my life can't be solved like this. I forget though that it is like that...just a bit more time. I need to remember that books and movies I can read or watch in a matter of hours. The setting takes place typically in a much longer time than a few hours, sometimes years. I then look at my ring and remember the conflicts which have been resolved and the growth which was involved. It was hard. But "it's supposed to be hard...The hard is what makes it great" (A League of Their Own). Those trials in my life were so worth it for the blessings which came in return. So as I face trials now, I just need to have patience, faith, and God. It will all work out. It will all be revealed in His time.

Those with whom I have had these conversations, I don't know why exactly they are going through these times of facing the daunting why, but one thing I know for sure of why they are dealing with this time is to influence me. If anything, they are going through these times for me-to be a shining light for me to follow. Sorry to add that burden on them for me :-/. But  I am grateful for them for trusting me with their troubles, so I can grow and learn from their wisdom and strength.

Now to those who are reading this, you are a light to someone. You are their strength. You are living right now to influence. If there's anything I learned from my mission and from life, it's that you never know who is watching. You never know who is watching your example and learning from the actions you take. Thank you for showing me your light. Thank you for your courage to reveal your light. Keep going. Keep smiling. Show your light to the world. Volim vas.

Love

Last night, Elizabeth Smart came to BYU and spoke about her experience. I was going to write about my thoughts last night about it, but I was a bit busy. Still working on my goal from the last post ;) So here I am now, writing down my thoughts from last night. Hope this isn't too much all over the place, but that's how my thoughts go I guess. :D

Elizabeth Smart is an amazing woman. She is full of grace and strength within her quiet demeanor. She gave a synopsis of the tragedy she lived through when she was 14 years old. Elizabeth Smart was kidnapped then taken away from her life for 9 months. Every day she was raped, humiliated, emotionally abused, and many more horrid things. She spoke of being scared but then the moments of courage. Her being torn down by her captors,but then being lifted by the strength from Heavenly Father. There were all these times of being low but then blessings coming into her life somehow. There is opposition in all things so we can taste the sweetest moments (2 Nephi 2:11, 15). One of those sweet moments is when Elizabeth came to the realization which will never leave her and hit me the hardest of the whole night. During these horrible, crazy, low times, she remembered and gained the testimony that "no one will ever take away the love Heavenly Father has for me and my mother's love." AMEN!  There are so many stories, including me own, where there are daily evidences of His love. No one can take away that love Heavenly Father has for each and everyone of us. His love is so strong, we cannot understand. We just need to trust that He does (Mosiah 4:9). Also she heard her mother say, "I love you" often. Yet Elizabeth's mother didn't just say it but showed it through actions. She gave Elizabeth's reasons why her mother loved Elizabeth. With these two amazingly strong and powerful loves, Elizabeth had the strength to keep going to keep some sort of sanity.

I love the new film Frozen which has a song called "Fixer-Upper". It describes how "love's a force that's powerful and strange." The song was referring to how true love can help people bring out the best in others. The love that Elizabeth Smart's mother and Heavenly Father had for Elizabeth helped her have the strength to get through that monsterly time. It wasn't a fake love. They don't love Elizabeth because that's the Christ-like thing to do, but they love her because it's something inside them. Love is a difficult feeling to describe. There could be many reasons why someone loves someone else, but it comes down to that they just do. They feel this connection with them that they can't help but love the person. Now the question is if you're the receiving recipient, what do you do with this love? Elizabeth had the strength from this love to give the gift of surviving. She was able to give her mother back the love and returning home. I'm sure this is an amazing gift to a mother. I've seen it on my mother's face many a times. But not every evidence of love is going to be that dramatic. Some of the most special acts of love I receive from others is just simply seeing or hearing from them. Whether it's seeing them on campus or receiving a text. To me, those tender mercies brighten my day. So to return that love is 1) accepting their time and 2) giving my time. I've learned from many companions and other influential people in my life that living in the moment is an important and crucial aspect of life. Giving the precious gift of time by just talking with that person for 5 minutes is worth it. No matter what I might have scheduled in my planner or what may be stressing me out right then, I can give 5 minutes in my day for that person. President Uchtdorf gave a fantastic talk, "Of Things That Matter Most" which described love is spelled t-i-m-e. The more I live life, the more I agree. The things that matter most in my life are the people I spend it with, and how can I do that if I don't give my time for them? I'm so grateful for the people in my life who have given me their time, and I pray that I'll sort out my priorities enough so I can give them my time and how ever much time they need. For I learned on my mission that true love doesn't expect anything in return. It's all about giving. That's how amazing Christ's love is for us. He sacrificed everything for us just so we could return back to heaven. Just so we could have a chance to make ourselves better. Just so we could have a 2nd, 3rd, nth number of chances to make up for our mistakes. He did that eternal sacrifice because of his eternal love for us. It will never fail, and it will never be taken away. It's hard to understand why Christ would do that for someone like me who messes up all the time, but he still loves me. I know it. I feel it and see the happiness he shares with me every day. If you can't see this love, don't give up. It's there. We're just a 'little bit of a fixer-upper'. We'll see His love for us if we are willing to see it. For those I know, I hope you feel my love for you often. For those I don't know, I know you are loved by at least your Heavenly Father and Elder Brother, Jesus Christ. Don't deny it. Volim vas.

BUSY

When I talked to my dad a few weeks ago, we discussed about being busy. If you know either of us, you know that we are very busy people. We have been pretty much our entire lives. But is that really how life should be? On the mission, every night I filled my next day down to the minute, so I don't waste a second. But my dad's stake president told him that 'busy' was an acronym for 'Being Under Satan's Yoke". So as I plan each day down to the minute, am I planning it and being under Satan's yoke? Or am I planning under God's plan? Am I too busy to allow God to put people in my life who can influence me and who I can help? My dad and I talked about how there have been times in our lives where we wanted to be there for people, but there were things on the schedule and things we committed to going place to place. Therefore, we missed the opportunity being with those people. It's hard. I have noticed this especially the past month for myself. I do this every Winter semester. I see the 'available' time I have from Fall semester then add desires and wants...then overload myself. And it stinks because I want to be 150% committed to everything I do. There was a quote I once heard which has stuck with me, "The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved; the pig is committed" (Martina Navratilova). Whenever I get myself into something, I am the pig. I'm all in. But even the pig runs out of parts to give. As I was thinking about that this morning, I realized that I can't live life with nothing left to give. There will be people who come into my life who need me to give-who Heavenly Father places in my path where I need to give. I need to figure out my priorities. I need to find out what's absolutely most important in my life and not fill it with just wants. Yes, I want to play basketball all the time. I want to help with every play and musical I can. I want to continue old hobbies and start new ones. But is that really what I need to do? Maybe. Maybe not. I need to sort out my priorities (think of Ron Weasley). Figuring out priorities has always been difficulty for me because I want to just do everything. But God doesn't need me to do everything, He needs me to do the essentials: scriptures, church (including my callings), temple, strengthen relationships with family, friends, and of course Him and His Son. Now how to go about these things and fulfill other duties He wants me to do in my life? Pa neznam (well, I don't know). But I'll figure it out. It will just take some thinking, pondering, and praying. All I know for now is that I can't live life 'busy'. I can't waste a minute, but I can't be too caught up with other things in my life where I'm not available when God needs me.  President Uchtdorf gives a perfect example of someone who fits my goal.

"I think of our Lord and Exemplar, Jesus Christ, and His short life among the people of Galilee and Jerusalem. I have tried to imagine Him bustling between meetings or multitasking to get a list of urgent things accomplished.

"I can't see it.

"Instead I see the compassionate and caring Son of God purposefully living each day. When He interacted with those around Him, they felt important and loved. He knew the infinite value of the people He met. He blessed them, ministered to them. He lifted them up, healed them. He gave them the precious gift of His time" (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Of Regrets and Resolutions," Ensign, October 2012).

I can't compare myself with our Savior, but I'm just trying to be like him. (I hope you're singing the Primary song right now ;) ). So here's to a new resolution! We'll see how this goal pans out. This is just a thought which has been on my mind the past few weeks, and I thought to share it. Hope it gets you thinking, and hopefully you're better at prioritizing than myself. Volim vas.