God's Time

For more than two years now, almost every day I have worn a ring which has written on it "השם זמן" or Lord's Time (well literally Lord and Time, but that's a different story). I absolutely love this ring. I play with it often thinking about the events in my life which have been carefully constructed by my Heavenly Father and done in His time. The past few weeks, I have had many conversations with people discussing this very topic. A lot of those conversations beginning with, "Why?" "Why can't I just know the future?" "Why do I have to deal with this?" "Why can't I just move on with my life?" "Why is this happening to me?" "Why?" Then the answer we come up with always comes to "I don't know. It's God's timing." Sometimes healing takes longer depending on the cause of the fracture or the person who is healing. Some people experience trials which they definitely don't deserve. Some weaknesses we have are there, so we can learn to overcome. It stinks. It doesn't seem fair. But there's a reason. I don't ever remember hearing this story before this past Sunday, but it really effected me during church. My sister was in a car accident over 7 years ago. When my parents heard that she was in critical condition, my dad turned to my mom and said along the lines, "Well, let's see what the Lord has to bless us today." The faith my family had helped me get through one of my most difficult trials of my life. Trials are super hard, but as we have the faith, we will get through. It's unfair what my sister and family had to go through, but the blessings came in a hundredfold throughout those 10 days she was in the hospital. The blessings continued to follow the days, months, and even years after. I still see blessings today from that experience. Often when I think of this trial or any other trial I face, a song from Young Women days comes to mind. (Read to the tune "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing")

“My life is but a weaving
Between my God and me.
I cannot choose the colors
He weaveth steadily.

Chorus
Oft’ times He weaveth sorrow;
And I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper
And I the underside.

Not ’til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Will God unroll the canvas
And reveal the reason why.

Chorus

The dark threads are as needful
In the weaver’s skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned

Chorus

(Not part of the song, but still insightful words)
He knows, He loves, He cares;
Nothing this truth can dim.
He gives the very best to those
Who leave the choice to Him.”

― Corrie ten Boom

These words have been a comfort to me. God truly sees it all, and we just see a little bit at a time. Sometimes I feel like I compare my life to books, movies, and plays. I see there's a conflict, then after some character growth, the characters reach the end of the conflict. I then wonder why my life can't be solved like this. I forget though that it is like that...just a bit more time. I need to remember that books and movies I can read or watch in a matter of hours. The setting takes place typically in a much longer time than a few hours, sometimes years. I then look at my ring and remember the conflicts which have been resolved and the growth which was involved. It was hard. But "it's supposed to be hard...The hard is what makes it great" (A League of Their Own). Those trials in my life were so worth it for the blessings which came in return. So as I face trials now, I just need to have patience, faith, and God. It will all work out. It will all be revealed in His time.

Those with whom I have had these conversations, I don't know why exactly they are going through these times of facing the daunting why, but one thing I know for sure of why they are dealing with this time is to influence me. If anything, they are going through these times for me-to be a shining light for me to follow. Sorry to add that burden on them for me :-/. But  I am grateful for them for trusting me with their troubles, so I can grow and learn from their wisdom and strength.

Now to those who are reading this, you are a light to someone. You are their strength. You are living right now to influence. If there's anything I learned from my mission and from life, it's that you never know who is watching. You never know who is watching your example and learning from the actions you take. Thank you for showing me your light. Thank you for your courage to reveal your light. Keep going. Keep smiling. Show your light to the world. Volim vas.

Love

Last night, Elizabeth Smart came to BYU and spoke about her experience. I was going to write about my thoughts last night about it, but I was a bit busy. Still working on my goal from the last post ;) So here I am now, writing down my thoughts from last night. Hope this isn't too much all over the place, but that's how my thoughts go I guess. :D

Elizabeth Smart is an amazing woman. She is full of grace and strength within her quiet demeanor. She gave a synopsis of the tragedy she lived through when she was 14 years old. Elizabeth Smart was kidnapped then taken away from her life for 9 months. Every day she was raped, humiliated, emotionally abused, and many more horrid things. She spoke of being scared but then the moments of courage. Her being torn down by her captors,but then being lifted by the strength from Heavenly Father. There were all these times of being low but then blessings coming into her life somehow. There is opposition in all things so we can taste the sweetest moments (2 Nephi 2:11, 15). One of those sweet moments is when Elizabeth came to the realization which will never leave her and hit me the hardest of the whole night. During these horrible, crazy, low times, she remembered and gained the testimony that "no one will ever take away the love Heavenly Father has for me and my mother's love." AMEN!  There are so many stories, including me own, where there are daily evidences of His love. No one can take away that love Heavenly Father has for each and everyone of us. His love is so strong, we cannot understand. We just need to trust that He does (Mosiah 4:9). Also she heard her mother say, "I love you" often. Yet Elizabeth's mother didn't just say it but showed it through actions. She gave Elizabeth's reasons why her mother loved Elizabeth. With these two amazingly strong and powerful loves, Elizabeth had the strength to keep going to keep some sort of sanity.

I love the new film Frozen which has a song called "Fixer-Upper". It describes how "love's a force that's powerful and strange." The song was referring to how true love can help people bring out the best in others. The love that Elizabeth Smart's mother and Heavenly Father had for Elizabeth helped her have the strength to get through that monsterly time. It wasn't a fake love. They don't love Elizabeth because that's the Christ-like thing to do, but they love her because it's something inside them. Love is a difficult feeling to describe. There could be many reasons why someone loves someone else, but it comes down to that they just do. They feel this connection with them that they can't help but love the person. Now the question is if you're the receiving recipient, what do you do with this love? Elizabeth had the strength from this love to give the gift of surviving. She was able to give her mother back the love and returning home. I'm sure this is an amazing gift to a mother. I've seen it on my mother's face many a times. But not every evidence of love is going to be that dramatic. Some of the most special acts of love I receive from others is just simply seeing or hearing from them. Whether it's seeing them on campus or receiving a text. To me, those tender mercies brighten my day. So to return that love is 1) accepting their time and 2) giving my time. I've learned from many companions and other influential people in my life that living in the moment is an important and crucial aspect of life. Giving the precious gift of time by just talking with that person for 5 minutes is worth it. No matter what I might have scheduled in my planner or what may be stressing me out right then, I can give 5 minutes in my day for that person. President Uchtdorf gave a fantastic talk, "Of Things That Matter Most" which described love is spelled t-i-m-e. The more I live life, the more I agree. The things that matter most in my life are the people I spend it with, and how can I do that if I don't give my time for them? I'm so grateful for the people in my life who have given me their time, and I pray that I'll sort out my priorities enough so I can give them my time and how ever much time they need. For I learned on my mission that true love doesn't expect anything in return. It's all about giving. That's how amazing Christ's love is for us. He sacrificed everything for us just so we could return back to heaven. Just so we could have a chance to make ourselves better. Just so we could have a 2nd, 3rd, nth number of chances to make up for our mistakes. He did that eternal sacrifice because of his eternal love for us. It will never fail, and it will never be taken away. It's hard to understand why Christ would do that for someone like me who messes up all the time, but he still loves me. I know it. I feel it and see the happiness he shares with me every day. If you can't see this love, don't give up. It's there. We're just a 'little bit of a fixer-upper'. We'll see His love for us if we are willing to see it. For those I know, I hope you feel my love for you often. For those I don't know, I know you are loved by at least your Heavenly Father and Elder Brother, Jesus Christ. Don't deny it. Volim vas.