Why can't I just have everything? Or why don't I have what others have?
In life, I look at some people and just see how good life is for them. They have scholarships, cars, nice apartments, and everything else that I want in life. But sometimes we don't receive toys or we just give up on some toys because there's something better that's coming up. One time a boy (let's say Josh) was playing with a truck and another boy (Ben) wanted to play with it. We told Ben no because Josh was playing with it. Then Josh willingly gave up the truck. Ben was so happy, but I'm sure Josh is the winner in the end. Ben may have been given what he wanted, but Josh got something that is much more valuable: friendship. Ben was so loyal to Josh the rest of the day. Whatever Josh needed, Ben made Josh got it from blocks to trucks to the little toy people. When someone was getting a little fiesty at Josh, Ben was right there by Josh's side for support. The loyalty that came through this day was much better than anything that Josh could have given up. Seeing Josh giving up a way fun and valued toy to Ben without even realizing the consequences made me think of my life. How many things have I given freely to others and received something even better in return? How many times has someone given their time and talents to me and now I feel a devotion and love towards them? Christ had everything and gave it all up for us. How much closer is my relationship with Christ because I don't have everything but He is willing to give me? Just some questions that have gone through my mind.
Why do things get taken away especially those we love?
When I was in 8th grade, I remember this one girl who didn't believe in God. I don't know how we got to this conversation but she just yelled at me, "If God was so loving, why did he take my little sister and daddy away from me?" She turned around and just ran off. I didn't run after her because I didn't know what to tell her. As the years went by, I came up with little excuses like "Because it's God's will" or "At least they're in a better place" but to someone who has lost someone they have loved, these are hard and honestly, lame excuses. They are true, but they don't really comfort, at least it wouldn't to me. As I have watched these kids, they get all torn when their moms drop them off. It seems to them that they will never see their moms ever again. Or a friend leaves them to go home even when they are having such a good time. But all these instances don't last forever. We will see those loved ones again. It's stinkin' hard in the meantime because we miss them so much. We are so dependent on them. We find such a greater love for them that it hurts. But when they leave, we find the strength in ourselves and find out how independent we are. As I saw these kids get torn up this last summer, I gained such a greater confirmation that someone knows what's going on in life. Someone (aka God) knows the timing of all. He understands the why's and how's. He knows. But more importantly He understands what we are going through and loves us even if we are crying and asking why multiple times, and just hitting our hands against the door over and over again crying out in pain wondering how those loved ones could leave when we love them so much. Through all that heartache, He loves us still. (There was only one time that I couldn't handle being with a screaming kid anymore, but his scream was pretty high pitched and we eventually called his mom). But I know Heavenly Father would have kept trying with that kid. He would and does put His arms around us. This leads to my next question.
Where is the comfort when I need it?
There are several reactions I got this last summer trying to comfort a child. 1. Snuggle in the arms (my favorite!), 2. Push away (don't take it personally), and 3. Cry for a minute then find a distraction like a toy. There are more reactions, but I'm going to focus on these three. Trying to comfort a tired child or a child who is missing something or someone is sometimes very difficult. There are times when I can't do anything. I've tried to hold them and they just push me away or I do a funny face or give a toy and no reaction other than a cry. It's heartbreaking. One time when I was holding a little girl and just rocking her back and forth, she just kept crying for mom, I kept saying, "Don't worry. Mommy's coming back soon." But this didn't stop her. I thought of how silly it was when this girl comes in every day and goes home with mom every day. She should know by now that her mom will come back. But then I realized how much I was like this. How many times have I cried out to my Heavenly Father asking for His help and felt like I wasn't getting an answer? How many times have I received an answer and didn't realize that that was the answer because I was too distraught that I didn't see? Heavenly Father wants to send us peace, we just have to notice the comfort and accept it. God also sends material things with us to comfort us just like a child given his or her bottle or blanket. We are given things like the Book of Mormon to comfort us. People also step in when we need that physical sense of comfort through a hug or a compliment. God knows what we need. Sometimes we just have to see what He's giving us and stop pity partying ourselves. Look at what is given around us and see how life is a beauty.
A year ago, I received the impression to go home the next summer. I was shocked. I thought going home was for lame college kids who couldn't find a social life at their college. I was wrong. I needed to be home this last summer. There were many reasons, but these lessons from these kids was one of the reasons. I'm back at school and as I was walking to work, written on the ground were the words "You've Changed". It's so true. The past few months I have grown dramatically inside (thank goodness not physically cuz it's hard enough finding a guy with my height ;). But seriously, even within a few months, drastic changes can happen. I saw so many kids change the few months I was in child care and teaching classes. Even within a week at Camp Kesem, I saw the strength and desire to be better illuminate in those amazing kids. This is a change that God sees in ourselves. We should be changing all the time. We need to act on faith that God won't let us fail as long as we are following Him. He may let us fall sometimes, but it's so we can learn how to get back up and find the strength within ourselves to keep going. If you haven't taken time to learn these lessons from a child, I challenge you to find someone, anyone from your own child to a neighbor and spend some quality time with them. Apply what they are learning to what you are learning, and you may find how children truly are "submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father" (Mosiah 3:19). You'll be amazed from the lessons you can learn. Volim vas.
