Questions, Questions, Questions

I was reading an inspiring blog and realized that I need to start my blog again. I won't be as consistent as I was on my mission or in Jerusalem (thanks Mom for making me be consistent). But I do realize now that I need to continue. It was so therapeutic and not to be prideful, I had many people tell me that I helped them while I was on my mission because of the letters I sent. So I hope to continue on as I share my journey of life.

4 months and 8 days ago, I came home from one of the most amazing experiences of my life. As I have been home, I have been asked some interesting questions. How was your mission? How are you doing? What are you doing with your life now? First off, 'How was your mission?' is probably one of the silliest questions that could be asked, but we all ask it anyways. How am I supposed to answer? It was the worst time of my life? NOO!!! I will be eternally grateful to Heavenly Father for allowing me to be blessed to go on a mission. It was in His plan because I needed it. Yes, I'm sure others were influenced as well by me going on a mission, but I had to go on a mission to return to the celestial kingdom. I wasn't a bad kid before my mission, but I just went with the flow. I did what was expected of me and never really questioned why. I never knew why I was supposed to be doing the right thing. I did feel the Holy Ghost and had a testimony of the happiness from the gospel, but what a mission gave me was knowledge and skills to return to Him. I learned the whys of life. I learned how to live life, not just walk through life. Again, I am eternally grateful to my Father for pushing, supporting, and blessing me with going on a mission to Croatia.

The second question: How are you doing? Especially my first month, I was thrown off with this question. I would look at people and say, "What do you think? Am I being the typical awkward missionary?" When I was talking with a guy, I would jokingly say, "Well, I'm talking to you right now, so that's a good sign, right?" But seriously, how was I supposed to react to that? I miss being in Croatia every day. I  miss speaking in a language that only a very small percentage of the world knows. I miss my brothers and sisters on the other side of the world with whom I can barely contact and who knows if I will ever see them again. I miss that missionary schedule. I miss having someone right beside me who sees everything I see, who listens to my desires, hope and dreams, who pushes me to become the best I can be, who is my constant friend. I miss serving the Lord 24/7. How do you think I'm doing? The only comfort I find is in the revelation I received right before coming home after talking to my mission president: the Lord has a new plan for me and He needs me in Utah. That was the only comfort I had at first. I knew the Lord needed me at home. I didn't like it because I wanted to be needed in Croatia, but I accepted it. So how was I needed? Well that will be answered from the next question I was/am asked all the time. With all this missing, don't worry. I am fine. I'm living life the best I can with the Lord's help. What more do I need? Life is good.

What are you doing with your life now? Before I answer that question, I want to explain about my purpose now that I have returned from a mission. That was one of my fears coming home-not figuring out my purpose because as a missionary I knew my purpose. My purpose was to invite others to come unto Christ by helping them receive the restored gospel through faith in Jesus Christ and His Atonement, repentance, baptism, receive the gift of the Holy Ghost, and endure to the end. But I knew what I needed to do as a missionary. When I came home, I started on this search for what my purpose was. It took me almost a month of searching before one day in my personal study, the thought came "My purpose is to invite others to come unto Christ." My purpose as a missionary is the same as a returned missionary. So in my life right now, I'm trying to do just that. The best transition I could have asked was to be a resident's assistant. That means I'm a big sister to the freshmen girls on my floor. I help them get through their first year of school. I couldn't have asked for a better job for me right now. This job has helped me so much to focus on my girls, so I don't have to be selfish and focus on myself. I tried getting over that the last year and a half, I would prefer that the progress I made not go backwards. I am also the ward missionary! I dreamed of having this calling while I was on my mission, so I'm glad it came true. Between my job and my calling, I have grown to love these girls. I hurt when they hurt, I'm super happy when they're happy. They are my sisters. I'm so grateful for them. Me being a part of their lives has made me grown in so many ways.

Well I think I had enough of therapy for tonight. Thanks for those who read all the way to the end, I hope you were able to gain something out of this other than Kristine is a rambler. But seriously, I hope that you're living in a way that the Lord is able to bless you. Keep going and being strong! I love this one song I listened on my mission called "Mountains to Climb" sung by Erin Thomas (which I am listening to right now coincidently). I would always rock out to this on P-days (through lds.org, don't worry I was obeying the white handbook). But it would just pump me up for another week which I knew would be filled with trials, but I also knew that these trials were pushing me towards something better (Ether 6:5). Ok I really am a rambler. Laku noc! (good-night) Volim vas. (I love you)