Week #61

Najteži Čas-The Hardest Moment

This week was full of goodness and heartache. I'll just start off with why I put the hardest moment as the title of this e-mail. This week V had quit smoking! I was so excited. She had a new energy about her and her husband was super excited for her. Supporting her through and through. We were so excited and I was feeling like this was it. That she's going to make it. Sunday came around and I sat by her at church. She smelled like smoke. You could smell it on her clothes and on her breath. I denied it at first. She has smoker friends and I thought maybe she just had really bad breath. Then she opened her bag to get her Book of Mormon out and I saw a pack of cigarettes. My heart sunk. I prayed for guidance of what I should do, so I asked her after church how stop smoking has been going. She said that she hadn't smoked at all. :( After a few more minutes, I took her to the side and told her that she smelled like smoke, she denied. I then said I saw a pack of cigarettes in her purse. She said that it was empty and that it was old. She took it out and showed that it indeed was empty, but the pack looked too nice to have been in a purse for a week. It broke my heart. I prayed for what needed to be done because she needed to stop smoking a week before getting baptized. I prayed again and I was told I needed to tell her she's not ready to be baptized. I had no idea how to tell this woman that she couldn't get baptized. How can I break her heart for something that she's been looking forward to? So we went to her place and I had no idea where to go. She was surprised we were there, and we small chitchatted and said a prayer. Then we were prompted to one thing and then to another. Then the moment came that I had to tell her. I knew how to say it and that it was the right time to say it, but a part of me didn't want to. This woman has been one of my focuses since coming to Osijek and what we've been working so hard for, I was telling her she couldn't have. I looked at Sestra G (because we were on an exchange) because a part of me was hoping that she would do it, but then once I looked at her, I knew I had to do it. No one else could say this but me. Of all the hardships and trials I have faced on my mission, this was the hardest I think I have experienced. I have so much love for this woman and I want her to be blessed, but because of her actions of disobedience, she can't. Brings a bit more perspective about how God feels for us huh? I didn't call her out and told her we knew she was smoking despite her denials. I just told her with love that the Holy Ghost told me that she needed to wait. She asked why and I asked her if she knew why. She said no, so we kept talking about that she needs to be the strongest she can be before baptism, so when she is baptized, she can tell people that for a surety she knows. That was so hard. But it is what she needs. I've seen so many members here and I'm sure they're in America too that their missionaries thought they were ready but they weren't strong enough. It's so sad. So I'm going on with faith that it will all work out. Because it will, we just need to keep doing the things we need to do. And that's the goodness part of this week. Sestra G came and did an exchange here. We have been together before in Ljubljana and she came here and polished me up. It's been great. Now when Sestra B comes back, we'll press forward with momentum, urgency and effectiveness! This week's scripture is Luke 1:37. Have the faith and keep moving forward! Volim vas!

S vjećnom ljubavlju,
Vaša kćer,

Sestra Kristine Jolley
Uvijek Sljedići Braće