Love

Last night, Elizabeth Smart came to BYU and spoke about her experience. I was going to write about my thoughts last night about it, but I was a bit busy. Still working on my goal from the last post ;) So here I am now, writing down my thoughts from last night. Hope this isn't too much all over the place, but that's how my thoughts go I guess. :D

Elizabeth Smart is an amazing woman. She is full of grace and strength within her quiet demeanor. She gave a synopsis of the tragedy she lived through when she was 14 years old. Elizabeth Smart was kidnapped then taken away from her life for 9 months. Every day she was raped, humiliated, emotionally abused, and many more horrid things. She spoke of being scared but then the moments of courage. Her being torn down by her captors,but then being lifted by the strength from Heavenly Father. There were all these times of being low but then blessings coming into her life somehow. There is opposition in all things so we can taste the sweetest moments (2 Nephi 2:11, 15). One of those sweet moments is when Elizabeth came to the realization which will never leave her and hit me the hardest of the whole night. During these horrible, crazy, low times, she remembered and gained the testimony that "no one will ever take away the love Heavenly Father has for me and my mother's love." AMEN!  There are so many stories, including me own, where there are daily evidences of His love. No one can take away that love Heavenly Father has for each and everyone of us. His love is so strong, we cannot understand. We just need to trust that He does (Mosiah 4:9). Also she heard her mother say, "I love you" often. Yet Elizabeth's mother didn't just say it but showed it through actions. She gave Elizabeth's reasons why her mother loved Elizabeth. With these two amazingly strong and powerful loves, Elizabeth had the strength to keep going to keep some sort of sanity.

I love the new film Frozen which has a song called "Fixer-Upper". It describes how "love's a force that's powerful and strange." The song was referring to how true love can help people bring out the best in others. The love that Elizabeth Smart's mother and Heavenly Father had for Elizabeth helped her have the strength to get through that monsterly time. It wasn't a fake love. They don't love Elizabeth because that's the Christ-like thing to do, but they love her because it's something inside them. Love is a difficult feeling to describe. There could be many reasons why someone loves someone else, but it comes down to that they just do. They feel this connection with them that they can't help but love the person. Now the question is if you're the receiving recipient, what do you do with this love? Elizabeth had the strength from this love to give the gift of surviving. She was able to give her mother back the love and returning home. I'm sure this is an amazing gift to a mother. I've seen it on my mother's face many a times. But not every evidence of love is going to be that dramatic. Some of the most special acts of love I receive from others is just simply seeing or hearing from them. Whether it's seeing them on campus or receiving a text. To me, those tender mercies brighten my day. So to return that love is 1) accepting their time and 2) giving my time. I've learned from many companions and other influential people in my life that living in the moment is an important and crucial aspect of life. Giving the precious gift of time by just talking with that person for 5 minutes is worth it. No matter what I might have scheduled in my planner or what may be stressing me out right then, I can give 5 minutes in my day for that person. President Uchtdorf gave a fantastic talk, "Of Things That Matter Most" which described love is spelled t-i-m-e. The more I live life, the more I agree. The things that matter most in my life are the people I spend it with, and how can I do that if I don't give my time for them? I'm so grateful for the people in my life who have given me their time, and I pray that I'll sort out my priorities enough so I can give them my time and how ever much time they need. For I learned on my mission that true love doesn't expect anything in return. It's all about giving. That's how amazing Christ's love is for us. He sacrificed everything for us just so we could return back to heaven. Just so we could have a chance to make ourselves better. Just so we could have a 2nd, 3rd, nth number of chances to make up for our mistakes. He did that eternal sacrifice because of his eternal love for us. It will never fail, and it will never be taken away. It's hard to understand why Christ would do that for someone like me who messes up all the time, but he still loves me. I know it. I feel it and see the happiness he shares with me every day. If you can't see this love, don't give up. It's there. We're just a 'little bit of a fixer-upper'. We'll see His love for us if we are willing to see it. For those I know, I hope you feel my love for you often. For those I don't know, I know you are loved by at least your Heavenly Father and Elder Brother, Jesus Christ. Don't deny it. Volim vas.

BUSY

When I talked to my dad a few weeks ago, we discussed about being busy. If you know either of us, you know that we are very busy people. We have been pretty much our entire lives. But is that really how life should be? On the mission, every night I filled my next day down to the minute, so I don't waste a second. But my dad's stake president told him that 'busy' was an acronym for 'Being Under Satan's Yoke". So as I plan each day down to the minute, am I planning it and being under Satan's yoke? Or am I planning under God's plan? Am I too busy to allow God to put people in my life who can influence me and who I can help? My dad and I talked about how there have been times in our lives where we wanted to be there for people, but there were things on the schedule and things we committed to going place to place. Therefore, we missed the opportunity being with those people. It's hard. I have noticed this especially the past month for myself. I do this every Winter semester. I see the 'available' time I have from Fall semester then add desires and wants...then overload myself. And it stinks because I want to be 150% committed to everything I do. There was a quote I once heard which has stuck with me, "The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved; the pig is committed" (Martina Navratilova). Whenever I get myself into something, I am the pig. I'm all in. But even the pig runs out of parts to give. As I was thinking about that this morning, I realized that I can't live life with nothing left to give. There will be people who come into my life who need me to give-who Heavenly Father places in my path where I need to give. I need to figure out my priorities. I need to find out what's absolutely most important in my life and not fill it with just wants. Yes, I want to play basketball all the time. I want to help with every play and musical I can. I want to continue old hobbies and start new ones. But is that really what I need to do? Maybe. Maybe not. I need to sort out my priorities (think of Ron Weasley). Figuring out priorities has always been difficulty for me because I want to just do everything. But God doesn't need me to do everything, He needs me to do the essentials: scriptures, church (including my callings), temple, strengthen relationships with family, friends, and of course Him and His Son. Now how to go about these things and fulfill other duties He wants me to do in my life? Pa neznam (well, I don't know). But I'll figure it out. It will just take some thinking, pondering, and praying. All I know for now is that I can't live life 'busy'. I can't waste a minute, but I can't be too caught up with other things in my life where I'm not available when God needs me.  President Uchtdorf gives a perfect example of someone who fits my goal.

"I think of our Lord and Exemplar, Jesus Christ, and His short life among the people of Galilee and Jerusalem. I have tried to imagine Him bustling between meetings or multitasking to get a list of urgent things accomplished.

"I can't see it.

"Instead I see the compassionate and caring Son of God purposefully living each day. When He interacted with those around Him, they felt important and loved. He knew the infinite value of the people He met. He blessed them, ministered to them. He lifted them up, healed them. He gave them the precious gift of His time" (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Of Regrets and Resolutions," Ensign, October 2012).

I can't compare myself with our Savior, but I'm just trying to be like him. (I hope you're singing the Primary song right now ;) ). So here's to a new resolution! We'll see how this goal pans out. This is just a thought which has been on my mind the past few weeks, and I thought to share it. Hope it gets you thinking, and hopefully you're better at prioritizing than myself. Volim vas.

Questions, Questions, Questions

I was reading an inspiring blog and realized that I need to start my blog again. I won't be as consistent as I was on my mission or in Jerusalem (thanks Mom for making me be consistent). But I do realize now that I need to continue. It was so therapeutic and not to be prideful, I had many people tell me that I helped them while I was on my mission because of the letters I sent. So I hope to continue on as I share my journey of life.

4 months and 8 days ago, I came home from one of the most amazing experiences of my life. As I have been home, I have been asked some interesting questions. How was your mission? How are you doing? What are you doing with your life now? First off, 'How was your mission?' is probably one of the silliest questions that could be asked, but we all ask it anyways. How am I supposed to answer? It was the worst time of my life? NOO!!! I will be eternally grateful to Heavenly Father for allowing me to be blessed to go on a mission. It was in His plan because I needed it. Yes, I'm sure others were influenced as well by me going on a mission, but I had to go on a mission to return to the celestial kingdom. I wasn't a bad kid before my mission, but I just went with the flow. I did what was expected of me and never really questioned why. I never knew why I was supposed to be doing the right thing. I did feel the Holy Ghost and had a testimony of the happiness from the gospel, but what a mission gave me was knowledge and skills to return to Him. I learned the whys of life. I learned how to live life, not just walk through life. Again, I am eternally grateful to my Father for pushing, supporting, and blessing me with going on a mission to Croatia.

The second question: How are you doing? Especially my first month, I was thrown off with this question. I would look at people and say, "What do you think? Am I being the typical awkward missionary?" When I was talking with a guy, I would jokingly say, "Well, I'm talking to you right now, so that's a good sign, right?" But seriously, how was I supposed to react to that? I miss being in Croatia every day. I  miss speaking in a language that only a very small percentage of the world knows. I miss my brothers and sisters on the other side of the world with whom I can barely contact and who knows if I will ever see them again. I miss that missionary schedule. I miss having someone right beside me who sees everything I see, who listens to my desires, hope and dreams, who pushes me to become the best I can be, who is my constant friend. I miss serving the Lord 24/7. How do you think I'm doing? The only comfort I find is in the revelation I received right before coming home after talking to my mission president: the Lord has a new plan for me and He needs me in Utah. That was the only comfort I had at first. I knew the Lord needed me at home. I didn't like it because I wanted to be needed in Croatia, but I accepted it. So how was I needed? Well that will be answered from the next question I was/am asked all the time. With all this missing, don't worry. I am fine. I'm living life the best I can with the Lord's help. What more do I need? Life is good.

What are you doing with your life now? Before I answer that question, I want to explain about my purpose now that I have returned from a mission. That was one of my fears coming home-not figuring out my purpose because as a missionary I knew my purpose. My purpose was to invite others to come unto Christ by helping them receive the restored gospel through faith in Jesus Christ and His Atonement, repentance, baptism, receive the gift of the Holy Ghost, and endure to the end. But I knew what I needed to do as a missionary. When I came home, I started on this search for what my purpose was. It took me almost a month of searching before one day in my personal study, the thought came "My purpose is to invite others to come unto Christ." My purpose as a missionary is the same as a returned missionary. So in my life right now, I'm trying to do just that. The best transition I could have asked was to be a resident's assistant. That means I'm a big sister to the freshmen girls on my floor. I help them get through their first year of school. I couldn't have asked for a better job for me right now. This job has helped me so much to focus on my girls, so I don't have to be selfish and focus on myself. I tried getting over that the last year and a half, I would prefer that the progress I made not go backwards. I am also the ward missionary! I dreamed of having this calling while I was on my mission, so I'm glad it came true. Between my job and my calling, I have grown to love these girls. I hurt when they hurt, I'm super happy when they're happy. They are my sisters. I'm so grateful for them. Me being a part of their lives has made me grown in so many ways.

Well I think I had enough of therapy for tonight. Thanks for those who read all the way to the end, I hope you were able to gain something out of this other than Kristine is a rambler. But seriously, I hope that you're living in a way that the Lord is able to bless you. Keep going and being strong! I love this one song I listened on my mission called "Mountains to Climb" sung by Erin Thomas (which I am listening to right now coincidently). I would always rock out to this on P-days (through lds.org, don't worry I was obeying the white handbook). But it would just pump me up for another week which I knew would be filled with trials, but I also knew that these trials were pushing me towards something better (Ether 6:5). Ok I really am a rambler. Laku noc! (good-night) Volim vas. (I love you)

Week #79

To je to-That's that

This is it. I'm sitting here in the mission office writing my last e-mail. I have been very bipolar yesterday and today. I get really excited about home and then the next second I start crying when I think about leaving these people because of the miracles that have happened. For instance, we were walking on Korzo (the main strip) and I saw a woman who looked familiar. I called out a name to her then she turned around. She was a former English student who I have been praying to find. I hadn't been able to find her number and she wasn't answering her e-mails. So I just assumed she was gone. But then God blessed us to be at the right place at the right time. Miracle number 2, two women who we have been working with, Z and S, who have both said for some reason why they wouldn't get baptized yet, said yes this last week. October 5 is a long ways away, but it's in the Lord's time. It's the time they need. Miracle number 3, a woman who we have been doing service for, met up with us this last week to say good-bye. She was there at the open house and has watched us as missionaries and the members in our branch. A, this woman, lit up as we talked about the open house. She said that she had been thinking about our religion and has been talking to her husband, her family, and her neighbors about us. And I asked her what she thought. "You have something different," she said. I then asked her if she knew anything about the Book of Mormon. A replied, "I know nothing, I'm like in the 1st grade." I explained a bit about it, then asked her if she would like one because I had one especially for her. She got so excited. When I handed her the Book of Mormon, she cradled it in her hands then pressed it to her heart. I've never seen someone care for the Book of Mormon so much. As she opened it and started reading, the Spirit came in so strongly and quickly, it almost knocked me over. We talked a little more and she said that once she got back from holiday (which starts on Wednesday), she is going to come to church and focus on learning about our church. Just now thinking about it, if we had asked her to be baptized she probably would have accepted!! I don't know why we didn't but anyways. She will. Miracle number 4, the member who we found who lives near Pula came to Rijeka and partook of the sacrament for the first time in almost 5 years. Being there with all the missionaries partaking the sacrament with him. It just felt so good. I talked to him last night and he found his old missionary tag and had a new excitement in him when he was talking about his mission. He's back. Miracle number 5 needs a background story. The first couple I met in Rijeka became my brother and sister my first two transfers. We kept a little bit of connection, the little that I could do. Then I returned back, and things had gotten really bad at their place. The husband is Bosnian and has had visa troubles and the wife is working full-time but the pay is not enough to pay for everything. And so many missionaries have come and gone, he didn't want to see me because he would get happy then just get sad when I left again. We went over to their places many times, I wrote many notes, but nothing. Then this last Friday, we were sitting down on Korzo making calls, and I look up, and there he is walking with his wife. I ran up to them. We talked for a few minutes and made plans to play basketball the next day. I couldn't believe it. I thought I would go my whole time in Rijeka and not see him again. The next day, basketball was awesome and fun. Then last night, we went to their place to have brownies and ice cream. It was so good. It still is a dream to me that it actually happened. I don't know how many prayers I have prayed for this couple, my brother and sister. And it finally came true. As we left, Sestra Palmer turned to me and said, "Now that's a way to end a night." And it was. They were the first people I met and the last I visited with. All of this has been happening because of Jesus Christ. The man who believes in 2nd chances, 3rd, 4th,...chances. The man who did everything so we could have this chance. The man who understands us so well and believes in us so he gave us this second chance so we can return to our Heavenly Father and live in happiness forever (Alma 7:11-13). This is it. This is the end. But now the beginning of the rest of my life. And as President told me in my final interview, I'm in no better position right now to begin the rest of my life. Through the habits I have learned and the strength I have gained, there's no way that I can keep Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ out of my life. It's not possible. Their love for me and my love for them will not change or go anywhere. And that love I have for you all will stay forever also. Volim vas. To je to.

Week #78

Nemogu vjeovat'-I can't believe it

This is it. My last week. I can't believe it. Where has the time gone? Where will it go this next week? But something that I do know that it will be filled with miracles because this last week I can't believe. This last week we decided to go to Pula which has the biggest, full coliseum in the world! (Rome is partial) There was a branch there 3 years ago, so we went through the area book to see who we could find. We were able to talk to 7 old investigators who said they would love to visit with us! We also went through our members and one woman said we could meet up who has been in active for at least a few years. Then two nights before we were to be in Pula, Sestra Palmer turned to me and said, "Sestra, there are more people we need to contact." So we went through the area book again, and found a member's old teaching record who wasn't on the membership records. But there was another name on the record in the spot where we write down if there were any members who helped on the lessons. We called the number. He answered. I asked, "Is this Bojan? My name is Sestra Jolley from the Church of Jesus Christ. This might sound weird, but we found your name and number and have no idea why. Can you explain to us why?" He just laughed and said, "I'm a member of your church." We got really excited and what happened was that he lives in Rovinj, about half an hour from Pula, working with tourism and half of the year he's in Rovinj and the other half in Italy, but too far away from church to make it on Sundays. He continues on with his story that he was baptized 11 years ago, he went on a mission to Virginia, came back became the branch president in Rijeka. Then he had to move to Zagreb, then left Zagreb for the job he has now. He hasn't really heard from the church for 5 years except an e-mail invitation two years ago. He just felt forgotten from the Church. But then we were able to see him in Pula a few days later. While we met with him, we barely brought about his own conversion and that he knows he needs to do better. I asked the question, "So what are you going to do?" And he answered in reply like a little kid who knows he did something wrong, "I know. I know. Yes, I will!" I hadn't even asked him to do anything! We had a great chit chat with him, then later that night we sent a text and he replied, "It was really pleasure to meeting you and really a blessing to re-connect with the Church. I am grateful to have this opportunity that Heavenly Father showed me through you that He thinks of me even when I ignore him for so long time!" I can't believe it! I also can't believe from our trip to Pula we talked to three people who want to keep in contact with us over the phone. So we received three new investigators! I can't believe it!

This week, we also did a creative inviting idea that Sestra Lethco and I came up with last summer, but never got around to it. This last week Ann Madsen who was the American mother of Krešimir Čosić and who serves on the General Sunday School Board came to ex-Yugoslavia to talk to everyone about the new curriculum. To advertise we past around water bottles with the message "Are you thirsty?" John 4:14 and an advertisement to come and never be thirsty again. I have never had so much fun with a finding idea. It was so much fun handing out water bottles and asking if they are thirsty then following up that through Jesus Christ they'll never be thirsty again. And the result, about 20 members came and 3 people who we invited on the street. One took a Book of Mormon and said she would come to church. She didn't come to church, but who knows? Maybe she will this week. I can't believe how much fun we had and the result of it.

Another can't believe is that we met some 7th Day Adventists (that's not the can't believe part). But as we talked, we invited them to church and they said they'll come if we come to theirs. So we surprised them by going on Saturday. One of the ladies said that she wasn't sure if we were coming. Surprise! But then after the service, one other member of the congregation invited us over for lunch. It was a nice surprise. Her and her family actually lived in California during the war, so some spoke English (but since some didn't speak English so we spoke only in Croatian which I can handle now, poor Sestra Palmer). It was so nice of this woman to invite us to her home and we were able to have "Sunday" dinner with them on Saturday. While she was driving us back, she said that while growing up if there were guests at church, her mom would invite them over to eat lunch. Sometimes they would come, sometimes not. But that's how she is too. Sestra Palmer and I talked about it later that we were both a little nervous that they invited us over to have a bash session on which day the Sabbath is, but that never happened. We shared some of our beliefs, they shared some of theirs, we gave them a pamphlet, they gave us lunch. It was just a really nice hour. Then the next day at church, the woman who invited us to church at the beginning followed through with her deal and came to church. She said she liked it, and we invited her to learn more. She agreed. I can't believe it. 

PS the Elders have two baptismal dates from these boys who are 11 and 13. Our own little deacons quorum starting up!

PSS Z said she wanted to get baptized, but that she was scared and wouldn't set a date.

These are just a few of the things that happened this week that I can't believe. But as I was reading in General Conference this last April Elder Holland's talk "Lord, I Believe" reminds me of my own faith. I feel like the man in Mark 9:24. Lord, I believe, but help my unbelief. I believe miracles can happen here in Rijeka, but Lord help my lack of vision. Help me see what you see. I believe and try so hard, but give me the strength to do thy will. Now as I go into my last week, I believe I can go home with no regrets and talk to each person I need to. But Lord, help me with my unbelief. Show me the miracles that I can't see. Push me until I see. Keep following the promptings the Lord has given you so you can see the miracles he has planned for all of you. Samo još tjedan dana. Only more one week. Volim vas! 

 

S vjećnom ljubavlju,
Vaša kćer, 

Sestra Kristine Jolley
Uvijek Sljedići Braće

Week #77

Prsti-Fingers and Toes

This week's title has to do with the numbers of fingers and toes. This week we had more new investigators than the 6 weeks before that combined!!! It was so great! Yes, I can count on one hand how many investigators that is, but it's still more! One new investigator we met one month ago, and she didn't seem too interested, but accepted a Book of Mormon and gave us her number. We finally were able to meet up with her and she just opened up about how she's been looking for what God wants her to do more. She wants to follow Jesus Christ, but so many people around her don't know who He is. But a few days after she met us, she felt peace and knew we knew who Jesus Christ is. She started reading the Book of Mormon and is in 1 Nephi 18! She absolutely loves it! She feels like a child could understand it, and she applies it to her life now. For instance, she spoke of Lehi ("the one man who took his family into the wilderness"). She understood how that felt because of raising her family sometimes life brings them into situations that she doesn't know what to expect. But she keeps going with faith anyways. As Z was baring her testimony of the Book of Mormon, you could just feel her know the truthfulness of it and how much God has sent this as scripture and not just as another good book. It was so good to hear and feel! At the end of our lesson, I asked her to think about for next time, "Why do we have the Book of Mormon and the Bible?" We'll see what she thinks when we get to it next time. 

This last week I had my last zone conference. It was a little unreal. I felt like my normal self until it came time for the testimony meeting. Usually the leaving missionaries stand up and bare their testimony. I felt the Spirit prompting me to bare my testimony, but my fear overcame me. I thought, "What is this? Fear? This is not me. This is not the missionary who I am. I bare my testimony all day every day, why is this time so difficult?" As I was sorting out my concern, I realized that I didn't want it to be my last not because I didn't want to go home, or because I love Croatia so much (which I do love home and Croatia), but I was afraid to go home. I was afraid to go to a new life. I was afraid that I wasn't going to find my purpose as a returned missionary which purpose I came to know and love as a missionary. Then I realized that this is must be how it feels like to those who I have seen be baptized. It's scary because it's a new life. There is no way I can go back to the person who I used to be. And scared that I will go back to the person who I was which was not a bad person, but not the person who I need to be now. My fear overcame my faith, but as I realized my fear, I took a deep breath and had my faith overcome my fear. There are still times now that I feel that fear, but I'm trying to do like Alma in Alma 17:11. I'm trying to show these people to be a good example. I want to show them that our fear CANNOT overcome our faith. So these last 15 days, I will act on faith over my fears. I love you all and I hope that you'll overcome your fears. Volim vas!

 

 

S vjećnom ljubavlju,
Vaša kćer, 

Sestra Kristine Jolley
Uvijek Sljedići Braće

Week #76

Ljubav-Love

I absolutely love this town. I love waking up in the morning, getting on my knees, asking for the Lord to bless these people who I love. I love studying the scriptures for an hour, discuss with my companion how we can learn and grow and help those people come closer to God's love. I love going out with the energy, hope, and faith to find people who are ready to learn more. I love walking along the sea with the breeze constantly pushing us as if it knows that there are people ready and supporting us to keep moving. I love coming home, feeling entirely exhausted, praying and accounting for our day's work, and praying that tomorrow we can be better than we were the day before. I love sitting on our balcony, overlooking my beautiful Rijeka, seeing where we have traveled, remember the people we have met, the people who have influenced me for good. I love my dear companion Sestra Compare who sadly was mid-transfer transferred to Banja Luka :(, but I love my new companion Sestra Palmer who is starting to love Rijeka as much as I do. I love that she's been out for only 5 weeks and has already learned so much of what it means to be a missionary. I love how already our brainwaves work together and while we were making goals, the goals lined up so perfectly. I love how excited I am for how much potential my last month has. I love being a missionary. As I was studying about love this past week I realized in Moroni 7:40-48 it gives the steps of how to attain faith, but it all starts with a prayer that I could be filled with love. It hit me this week and I experienced this week that love isn't about what you receive. It's all about giving. If I expect something in return, then that isn't true love. I'm willing to go out tracting for three hours because I love the people, and I love the gospel, but I don't expect baptisms in return. Yes, I have faith that it could, but that's not what matters. What matters is that I'm giving my all for them, so they can have just a chance to be happy. It's not a waste if something doesn't happen. It's all because I love them. I hate the fact that I can count on one hand how many weeks I have left, but only because I love you and I love them. Have a great week full of love! Volim vas.